INT. ONCE UPON A TIME WHERE THE WIND DOTH BLOW, IN UP-NORTH ICELANDIA, FULL OF ICE AND SNOW, IN A COTTAGE LIVE A GROWN GIRL AND HER NEAR-BLIND MOMMA, OH, WHERE NO ONE ELSE DOES GO.
The girl Esmerlda and her Mother Meda are poor but are not dressed as poor as most people you see in your common fairy tales. The linen is of a better quality and much more colorful. But their cottage is pretty crummy. I mean, one room, come on.
MOTHER
Esmeralda, my daughter, it’s been a long, harsh, lonely winter. Common tale, sadly told.
DAUGHTER
Yes, Momma. Such would not ever be gladly. We’ve stretched our wits to meet our ends.
MOTHER
Ezzie, we’ve come undone, unraveled and reached the end of our rope.
From their dirt floor, Mother Meda hands a thick tugboat rope to Esmeralda, who examines it like it’s goat droppings.
DAUGHTER
Oh, no, Momma Meda. How did this get here? Or more sadly, how did we get here? Either question makes no sense and we cannot answer. Most sadly a tragedy of calamity.
MOTHER
As I am blind,
(points with 2 fingers up to eyes, then to rope, then 2 eyes and pokes them)
and time is marking a thousand years,
(Ezzie looks at her)
legend says you must go on your quest. Fairy tale.
(Momma Meda shrugs)
Who could guess?
DAUGHTER
(throws rope out of hands, it hits her bare feet)
Who says? What if I don’t want to? It’s been a thousand years. That’s quite a story. I like it here.
MOTHER
Here? One room? Goat-poop rope? Blind-ass mom? Thousand years? Ezzie, come on. It’s time.
DAUGHTER
Yes, Momma. Action adventure now in the tale.
(aside)
I hate this part. Always 50-50 if it goes well.
MOTHER
Take this rope.
Neither wants to hold it. They act like “I’m not goina hold it, you take it,” and “Nope. Not me, blind, bitch.”
DAUGHTER
Correct me if I’m wrong: won’t it just lead me back–here?
MOTHER
Don’t be silly. It’s a magic rope. It will lead you through the blizzard to the Spring House place.
DAUGHTER
We don’t have a Spring House, Momma. Momma Meda, it’s Icelandia. We haven’t had one for a thousand years.
MOTHER
Don’t disrespect me, Ezzie.
DAUGHTER
Yes, Momma. Get on with the action.
MOTHER
(hands her a crumpled stained sheet)
Take this map.
DAUGHTER
So it’s a rope and a map now.
(looks at the paper)
A map, Momma? It’s a shopping list.
MOTHER
Disrespect!
Meda turns to talk to Ezzie but it’s the door; Ezzie is beside her.
MOTHER
Go to the Spring House. Follow the map. It holds your destiny. Go find yourself!
DAUGHTER
It says “fish,” “can sea goods,” “honey dew,” “something scribbled.”
Really?
Mother Meda grabs the broom stick by the door to talk to because she thinks it’s Ezzie.
MOTHER
Take your brother Alfred with you.
Esmeralda spins her mother around so that their foreheads touch.
DAUGHTER
My brother? I have a brother?
MOTHER
Yes. There. Sitting sadly quietly, unlike you, in the corner on his haunches.
There sits a bullfrog, dressed in britches and a little coat.
DAUGHTER
(looks at the audience)
Really?
(pause, then aside)
70-30 chance of what’ll happen. May as well make me croak now.
MOTHER
Put a hat on him. He already has a sore throat and a cold. Freddy, go!
Daughter goes over to a coat rack for outsidewear.
EXT. IN THE BLOWING SNOWSTORM, ESMERALDA WITH FREDDY ON HER SHOULDER AND A PULLING ROPE, ENTERS ICE FISHING SHANTY.
INT. ICE SHANTY. BIG BOX SITS ATOP FROZEN WATER.
Girl takes a tool out of the box, closes it, places Freddy on it, then kneels, chipping a hole at the ice and peering in.
DAUGHTER
Haven’t caught any fish here for a thousand years.
A huge fish jumps out, stands on its tail, shaking off ice.
DAUGHTER
Whoa! Guess it’s time. You are one beautiful fish!
ALFRED
Supper!
DAUGHTER
First, I don’t know you, but I’m assuming a frog does not eat fish, and second, “supper” is the first word I hear from you–ever? Not anything like “Hey, sis, sorry I never intro-ed myself but lurked in the corner”?
FISH
I wish you wouldn’t eat me, Darling! I’m Holy Mackerel!
DAUGHTER
Momma said to go on a quest for my destiny with the map. She said nothing about eating fish.
ALFRED
It’s technically a shopping list, not a map, hence, it’s a food list, the fish is food. Momma needs help, not just with her eyes, see what I’m saying?
DAUGHTER
Yes, but technically, shopping or eating fish is not finding this–
(to fish)
Talking fish, hence, finding this fish is for my destiny. I grant your wish! I will not eat you.
ALFRED
Maybe you won’t, but Momma sent me for a reason.
DAUGHTER
WE. WE will not eat you, Holy Mackerel.
ALFRED
Momma always liked you best. Croak.
FISH
Thank you, Darling! I name you The Wish Granter. Now, what can I do?
DAUGHTER
You don’t have to do anything. I wanted to go somewhere. I hadn’t left Momma Meda’s for a thousand years. So I did. I went here. I’m on a quest.
ALFRED
That’s not the quest. Nor the truth.
DAUGHTER
It IS. Sort of. Now. That’s my story.
FISH
You’re making this up as you go.
DAUGHTER
Oh, no, I got a map–and a quest.
ALFRED
Oh, croak. I’ll check off the fish.
Alfred jumps up to look at the list and scratches at it.
FISH
What’s next, Darling?
DAUGHTER
On map? Can sea goods. Honey dew.
ALFRED
Something scribbled.
FISH
Can sea goods and honey dew–can do. But you must let me and Fred take charge. We’ll pull you. His feet. My tail.
ALFRED
Good thing this shanty is portable.
FISH
Get out the reins. Sit on the box.
(to frog)
Shanty, shall you?
ALFRED
No, shanty, shall WE, Darling?
(aside)
I thought, a fish, one thing off list, good, closer to home hovel to wait MY quest, but, no, here we go.
DAUGHTER
What am I going to do, honey?
FISH
Scoot your feet along as we move. Look in the hole from time to time.
DAUGHTER
Not much of a quest if all I can see of a world is reflection of me.
EXT. FROZEN LAKE LINED WITH FORESTS/ AURORA BOREALIS NIGHT
Freddy and Holy Mackerel have tacked up each other to the shanty with the reins from shanty’s big box. They travel across the frozen lake with a hop, skip and jump–two frog hops equal one fish skip equals one shanty jump. The frog moves, then the fish, then the shanty. Very slow-going. It took another thousand years.
When the shanty stops, the girl steps out beside other two. She can’t really see at first.
DAUGHTER
(protecting her eyes)
I can’t see see goods. Just color and light. Has nothing to do with–
ALFRED
(panting)
Excuse me, dear, can you say, thank you, good day, Freddy Frog, and Holy Mackerel, for pulling me along, this snowy blustery way?
DAUGHTER
Of course, my manners, thank you and good day, my darlings. It has been a good day? Seems like thousands, but I’ve had much time to reflect in that one-room–again.
FISH
Good. What can you see? Any good you can do, honey?
DAUGHTER
I don’t see can goods or honey dew. I’m just so glad to see my brother and friend.
Esmeralda hugs them. Freddy nor Holy Mackerel are thrilled.
FISH
Well, we hardly know each other–
DAUGHTER
Remember? I’m The Wish Granter? Pulled me and shanty a thousand years?
ALFRED
Momma was blind. And no map. It’s a goofy list! I hate the list being a map! I hate having a sister! I hate having done all the work, she did nothing and it’s all about her! Ezzie! Ezzie! Ezzie! See? That should be some kind of spell that changes her into a frog. Or me to a man. But it doesn’t. Her tale. Nothing.
FISH
Ezzie, can you ignore him? Can you look for the goods?
DAUGHTER
Yes, the good! It’s all around, it’s helping each other. It’s what’s beautiful when I look in the hole in the ice as we travel through time. I will do SOMETHING with this sibling relationship I didn’t know I had before that shanty a thousand years ago.
ALFRED
Turn around, sister.
Her mother is right there, holding the rope, too.
DAUGHTER
Mother! I don’t understand.
MOTHER
You met a fish, you can see good, and, honey, your words do kindness. In the reflection what did
you see, generally, something prophetic, I hope, please, for the love of everything holy–
ALFRED
Mackerel.
FISH
Amen.
DAUGHTER
If you look where you were, there you are. If you look where you are, there you’ll be.
MOTHER
Hmm. What else did you learn?
DAUGHTER
In oceans of doubt and blowing snow, be ready to improvise, hold onto the magic inside.
FISH
(aside)
Easier for her to say. I was the magic, I was outside skipping, very hard to hold onto the reins, let alone the magic.
ALFRED
Sister Ezzie, what is “something scribbled”?
DAUGHTER
Everybody has to figure out their special something–whether fish tails or frog feet.
Holy Mackerel with her tail “high fives” Fred’s feet.
ALFRED
(aside)
All I got to say is my tale and quest better be better than that.